Still encouraged...but...

I don't know what it is. I feel like no one cares if I get these tests done or not. I was contacting one person at the doc office who was very helpful, but I was not getting the answers I was asking for. I want to go through my regular doc to get the lab work done I need before surgery. I was told by Dr. Snyder's office that I would get a letter telling me what I still needed. I still have no letter but the office manager said I still needed one lab and a psych eval. My regular doc ordered the lab and I need to call and make both appts. but do they know what to do?

Last night I was a little dissuaded, but only very slightly. I'm still very anxious to get this done, and in the meantime my part time boss said I can have as much time as I need to get the surgery and recover. She's very supportive and the fact is I just met her two weeks ago! I think it's great to meet people who don't try to talk me out of it, and actually ask lots of questions. My husband is still my biggest supporter and although it seems it is taking forever, I know it WILL happen, and when it does, my life will change forever, and I'm still very excited about that.

Tomorrow I will make the two appts. I DO have control over. And maybe, just maybe, the employment gods will smile down on my hubby and life will finally resume to our pre-marriage financial situation...keeping my heart thinking positive thoughts...

Officially BEFORE

Yes, I finally got a colleague to take my "before" photo. Yikes... I asked him to take it without my face, but take a look at that chin! Well, one of them. :) I guess for a "before" photo, it's pretty accurate. My feet look so small, and I can't wait until that isn't the focus of my photograph.

Still hoping for an end of June surgery date, but not sure if that's going to come to fruition. I feel like it's taking forever to get through all this preliminary stuff, when in fact I haven't gotten my letter from the doctor saying what I still need, I haven't paid, and I have found out, nor scheduled, the labs I still need. I'm still very excited for it to happen, it just feels like I'm wasting precious time to hit my goal of surgery by the end of June.

More excited than ever!

I haven't had a chance to write since the nutrition class I had the other night. It was a huge amount of information but rather than leave me worried or afraid to tackle this, I'm more enlightened than ever! Yes, it's going to be a huge change, and I will have to admit that the best part of the night was talking with a couple and two other people who were also there for the class. Something one of them said made me think hard, and remember something very painful. We all had our stories of what was the breaking point, over and over again, but someone made the comment that the time they finally said, "enough", was when they were denied a ride on the roller coaster at Elitchs because she was too big.

I'm anxious to know when my surgery date is, and I'm even more anxious to make sure I have all the lab work done that I know needs to be done before then. I'm going to call the office on Monday and see when they are going to send the letter to my Dr. at Kaiser. I dropped her an email yesterday and heard back today saying she will watch for Dr. Snyder's letter. Obviously she has not received it yet. I know I probably have two things I need to do before we can move on. One is probably through Mental Health, and the other Pulmonary through my asthma guy. I'm not worried. I just want to surpass those hurdles so I can then move on and schedule the surgery. I'm still targeting the end of June, but I scare myself when I set that target because I know how disappointed I get when I don't meet it.

Another thing I keep thinking of is do I really want to move forward with it when Steve doesn't yet have a job. I know we have the finances all figured out, but going into debt again when he doesn't have a job doesn't feel right. I know we'll save a ton in eating out and food, at least from my standpoint, but still don't feel justified in moving forward unless that happens. Why do I put those kinds of pressures on myself?

The good news was that I not only got exercise today, I FEEL IT! No, it wasn't some organized work out routine, or a run on the treadmill (that actually makes me laugh out loud thinking I could actually run on anything, let alone a treadmill!) but instead a field trip that I was both excited to go on, and dreaded at the same time. One mile to the light rail. Walking around downtown all day. Then a final walk from the light rail back to school. But I did it. I may not be able to walk for the rest of the weekend, but I DID IT! And I wish I had worn a pedometer because I'm guessing between the two miles to and from the light rail, the downtown walk was probably easily a couple more miles, so I walked at least four, maybe five miles today! And boy, do I feel it! Probably not too great of an idea, but I had a good time with my group, and best of all...I did it...without having to take one puff from my inhaler...

I'm thinking I better celebrate victories now, because I'm soon to have one right after another, and I really need to learn how to be proud of myself...I really don't have much practice in that at all.

My Personal Climb...

I think that overall I am going to have a really hard time seeing myself in a smaller size. I have battled this for so long that I think my brain will have a harder time adjusting than my body! I am so sure, though, that it will definitely be a climb...and...on my way home today I heard the perfect song to epitomize my feelings about this journey I'm about to take. I'm going to listen to this song as often as I need to. I am going to live this song and really, take it to heart and use it to succeed. It's an amazing song...check it out.

The Climb

Something to try!

Found this on another blog, and I'm in love! I can't wait to start using this, check it out!

Before

I don't even have my surgery date yet, but I'm bursting with excitement. I've followed along as another person has blogged about their success, thus inspiring this blog. I've also done a lot of homework as far as what I hope and expect. Met with my surgeon a few days ago and was shocked when we walked out only 30 minutes later knowing it would be. It will actually happen. And now my adventure begins.

Some of the things I am confident about.
1. I'm sure I will be able to use the tool successfully.
2. I am sure about what will take place when it comes to the actual surgery.
3. I know I will be happier with the new me.
4. I am confident that I will not expect miracles, and that it will still take work.
5. I know I have an amazing family and friend support group.

Some of the things I'm still unsure/concerned with.
1. Hair loss? I am not that worried about it, truly, but being fat and hairless terrifies me.
2. Normal surgery fears...I'm sure it's better than c-sections, which I've had.
3. I'm not sure how I will react when my emotional eating side surfaces.

So, actually, that's not too bad! I'm positive of five things, and only worried about three! That's got to be a good thing, huh!

I started practicing my physical activity side today. Parked halfway across the parking lot at the dept. store today, and hoofed it. I'm just amazed how tired and winded I get, but why should I be surprised? At my weight, which will be divulged at my pre surgery appt. blog, I am surprised I can move! I am sure I have never been this heavy. Anyway, I digress. We are going to take the dogs to the dog park tomorrow and walk a little. That will be fun. And hopefully we can do that every weekend from now on until my surgery, and then pick up again afterward.

I'm very excited...and I suspect this excitement will only intensify as the date approaches...whatever date that might be. STAY TUNED!