Never thought I would say this...

Is it coming off too fast??? I'm down another pound today. I had to laugh at myself because the fact is, a week ago I was freaking out about not losing anything, and now I'm melting! The problem is, I feel lethargic, and I've awakened in the night two nights in a row now with a queasy feeling. I went and had blood drawn yesterday to see how my levels are, which is always important, but even more so at this point. I don't think my iron is an issue anymore because my ring finger is not black anyway, but I'm still having mild dizziness and some vertigo and I'm wondering, honestly, if I'm eating enough.

Today I'm going to do my best to eat all the meals. I mean, I've been missing about one, but I think I need to eat closer to when I go to bed. I'm going to do yogurt when I get up, well, as soon as I'm done typing this, then I'll have my bigger meal, my egg beaters, cheese and ham, around mid morning. I'll go from there. I'm also running into the problem of getting sick of eating the same things. I think I need to get some chicken breasts and grill them. This canned chicken is starting to taste like the tuna, which I can no longer stand. I just keep wanting some pasta with it! hehehe Not really, just to cut the flavor of tuna, or maybe a piece of bread, which I also cannot have. I'm going to do this the right way, darn it, but I feel weak and guess we'll just see what the blood test from yesterday shows.

In the meantime, who can be sad about being down 19 pounds? NOT ME! At this point I will hit my goal in a year for sure! Next summer is going to be very different than this one was...very different.

I'M MELTING!!!!!

WOW! I guess I was wondering if it was going to continue after that one week stall, but then I realized it was all "monthly stuff"! Once that was over with, it started coming off in sheets! I'm down another pound in just two days! That makes like four pounds in a week! Actually, when I try to think of how much in how many days it just gets confusing. I also have three different tickers going on. Well, okay, two. One is on ObesityHelp.com and I can't remember when I started that one but the good news is that all of them are synched with exactly where I want to get to! At this rate, I could be down to a 16 by the time I head back to school! That sure would free up my wardrobe compared to the end of last year!

The one website I'm mainly keeping track with is my Realize Band website. I keep my food diary on there, which is super easy, and my weight also. It helps me track when I get my adjustments and when I have appointments and it emails me! Of course, my food diary isn't all that extensive right now anyway. Yogurt, cottage cheese, egg beaters, weight watchers shredded Mexican cheese, protein pudding, and that's really about it. Oh yeah, cheese sticks. Did you know there are 8 grams of protein in those buggers? But they have to be the low fat ones, mozzarella. Jenn found them for me at Walmart's food area. Of course the girls like them, too, so that makes keeping them difficult. hehehe

My diet is so limited right now, I actually prefer it. No guesswork, but on the other hand, I'm ready to branch out a little, so today when I go to the store I'm going to look into maybe getting some ham to add to my egg beaters in the morning. I'm still only getting about 600 calories a day. And can't really start serious exercising until my six weeks are up, but I'm doing little bits here and there. Right now I'm going through a low iron thing, so I'm going to get some iron pills from the store today. I hate feeling lethargic and weak, and the dizziness and vertigo is something I would rather not live with.

So off to start my busy day, 18 pounds lighter than three weeks ago...I think I can live with that.

I'VE BROKEN THE 250 MARK!

WOW! I can hardly believe it! I mean, I expect it, but here I go! My scale, unlike the ticker on this page, is at 248.5! The ticker can't register .5 pounds, and how stupid is that, since every half a pound counts! Anyway, I erred on the side of caution and put in 249, since I still have that half a pound to go to hit 248. hehehe Yes, I'm going to quibble about half a pound!

My first indication that I was losing again was when I stepped on the Wii Fit yesterday and did my weight. It said I lost 2.5 pounds since I last was on it...six days ago! I know, I need to do it every day, but I'm still a little over three weeks away from being able to really work out. Actually, I may have done more than I should have yesterday because this morning I woke up and had two severe bouts of vertigo! It was really scary! Luckily I was still in bed, but I have no idea why that happened so I'm going to take it a little easier today!

I'm just happy that even though I'm not hungry often, I'm still fighting some cravings for "just a bite" and I realize it's my head, not my hunger, so, so far, so good. I'm also happy that I'm experimenting a little with my foods I can have, like my canned chicken breast. I heated up 1/2 cup of that with a sprinkle of Mrs. Dash, 1/4 cup of Weight Watcher's shredded Mexican chesse and a tablespoon of chicken broth to give it more moisture and it was actually palatable! The only thing that would have made it better was having it on a slice of bread! But I'm definitely not there! I am getting really good at knowing my head hunger from my body hunger, because nine times out of ten when I "feel" hunger, it's because I just saw a commercial on tv or heard someone say something about dinner. If anything I need to be a little more diligent in making sure I eat the meals I need to. More than one time this week I didn't eat my evening snack before bed. That's not good.

I'm only averaging about 600 calories a day, but I'm usually hitting my proteins right on or above. Yesterday I think I had about 83 grams of protein and only 600 some calories, so that's pretty good, and I made sure I had all my meals, even if I wasn't hungry, because I know I have to get my protein in. It feels like it's been forever, even though I'm only two and a half weeks POST OP! hehehe It does feel pretty good not to ruminate on food so much, always having to think about what my next meal is going to be. Right now I have so few options it's not all that difficult! And I do like what I'm eating. I LOVE yogurt, and could eat that at each meal! I do find I can eat the entire 6oz. container, which is nice. I thought I was going to have to waste some of it! I also love cottage cheese, and actually mixed some with a little bit of tuna the other day and found it to be pretty good.

Well, with all that talk of food, and my two vertigo episodes this morning...I better get down and eat my egg beaters! :)

WHEW!

Boy, that was some week! I was, overall, disappointed by my weight loss stall, however it was going to be hard to beat my original 13 pound loss, I was sure. FINALLY this morning the scale moved. Yes, I did weigh myself before yesterday, because I was feeling like I was losing, but not seeing it on the scale, but this morning, I finally saw it. It wasn't much, but it was there, so here we go! I'm hoping, at least, that this is the start of more to come!

I'm still only eating just over 600 calories a day, which of course is more than enough to sustain me since I'm definitely not feeling hungry all the time, but know when I am. I'm also into a good eating routine, although I'm still not sure how this will all work when I am back to school! I have actually not been having my evening snack, which is probably bad, but I hit my protein mark each day, so I guess it's not that bad. Hey, I'm not hungry, so that's a plus.

Long way to go, but watch that ticker go down, down, down people! IT'S GOING!

Tough Work Week Ahead...Caution

Tonight's three hours was a drop in the bucket. For the next three days, I'm on from 11-7! Now is where the rubber meets the road! Now that the summer is nearly gone, I wonder what I was thinking when I took this job, but the fact is, I like it, it's just that now it's a little harder for me to keep up, but I know that will come. Once again, tomorrow, I'll be packing up my foods. I find myself tending to eat simpler things. Tomorrow I want to try that canned chicken with a little bit of fat free mayo and maybe some of that weight watcher's shredded cheese. The good thing about working is that I plan it all out. Today, I planned my day in meals and didn't stick to it. Thus, I ended up with fewer than 65 proteins. Not good.

So, tonight, I'm working, and as I walk by the laminator at the store, I see a bag of Pepperidge Farm cookies. You are never going to believe this. I reached for the bag! No! I'm not kidding! I stopped, caught myself, and was just blown away at how automatic that had nearly been. It's the first time since my surgery that I had that experience, and of course it really wasn't a temptation, nor was I hungry, but what a great example of how my impulses used to work!

I'm really loving my protein packed pudding, though. This pistacio is almost gone, then I have lots of other flavors, and I may try to mix in two scoops this time. I figure the more I pack in there, the better it will be, protein-wise.

I'm pretty tired tonight, heading off to bed in a few minutes. Just in case I don't blog in the next couple days, refer to the title of this blog...and stay tuned...

Sunday, already?

Yup, you guessed it, everything is going great! Which is why I haven't written. I did have my first "full and uncomfortable" feeling yesterday at work, though. Which I thought was well worth blogging about. I have been really erring on the side of caution when it comes to eating my 1/2 cup, and taking my time doing so. I never want to throw up, and I never want to eat too fast and feel that horrible feeling, but yesterday, well, it happened. No, not the throw up part, I'm still good there, but the too full feeling that stuck with me for at least an hour was really terrible. And OBVIOUS! I worked my first full day since my surgery, which was great. Some people think retail is an easy job, but I'm here to tell you, it's more work than any desk job I ever had, and pays less than half! Anyway, I do love working at the store, but was more than worried about working a full seven hour day. I loaded up all my "meals" in my special little cooler that was a gift from my son and his wife, months ago when I had no idea exactly how helpful it would be. Anyway, I was ready to go, had my cottage cheese, some yogurt, two containers of 50 Gram Slam and all the utensils I needed.

I drank my 50 Gram Slam 1/2 cup first. That always goes down easy and gives me that yummy feeling of satisfaction. In an hour, though, it was time for lunch, so I told my co-worker that I needed to eat my 1/2 cup of cottage cheese, that it wouldn't take me long, but I couldn't rush it. Well I guess sitting down back there for longer than five minutes was really getting to me and I ate it way too fast for comfort, and I mean that, because within a few minutes, I felt like there was a softball sitting inside my chest and I started mildly sweating. It took over an hour for that feeling to go away, and I vowed NEVER to rush my food again!

Today I decided to move on, since I was obviously tolerating the refried beans, cottage cheese, and stuff, so I tried tuna for lunch. Now, I really love tuna, even just plain the way I needed to eat it, with a little fat free mayo, which I finally found at King Soopers, but 1/2 cup of it? Yeesh! I decided today that from now on, lunch will consist of 1/4 cup of tuna and 1/4 cup of something much more palateable to "wash the tuna" down. But hey, it's all a learning experience, right?

I also found another great, and tasty way, to get in some protein. Jello has some amazing sugar and fat free puddings. My favorite is Pistachio. Today I made a box of instant and then mixed a full scoop of protein powder in with it. I bought vanilla, since they didn't have the tasteless kind at the store when I went, and it was TASTY! I'm still trying to get the tuna taste out of my mouth, though, so definitely cutting that next time.

So far I'm not having any difficulty fitting in my proteins. That's the good news. The bad news is that I don't really feel like I'm losing weight, I mean, I don't feel like it's going to fall off left and right, as I do expect two pounds a week, and had that nice 12 pound jump start, but I guess I'm so in tune to everything now, I just wonder when it's going to be automatic. When I don't have to put so much thought into what I'm going to eat everyday. When I can have a smoothie for breakfast, with my protein powder, some fruit and milk, when I can actually feel like I can participate with society again. I know, give it a rest, Carol, it's only been ten days! hehehehe I know I always have high expectations of myself, so I really need to just keep at it, and remember that everything I do will show...it just will.

Never gets old...

As I sat this morning working on my day's menu, I started thinking about the past week and how my eating habits were so calibrated and measured. I wondered if this would always be the case and then thought, GUESS THEY BETTER BE! I am really happy that I discovered this morning that my Realize website has a menu planner which actually takes all the guess work out of whether or not I get my proteins in. I can go on in the morning and plan exactly how much and when I am going to eat and after entering my product info, it calculates the proteins, exactly! What I realized is that eating solids only every two to three hours left me a bit shy of protein, so I fell back on my old friend...

The 50 Gram Slam! Man, do I love this stuff. It's the best tasting protein drink, by far, and I'm happy to say, it also tastes great! It's like a thick chocolate milk shake, and as a matter of fact, I'm going to start experimenting with it to see how it freezes and maybe I can even make some chocolate popsicles from it! LOADED WITH PROTEIN! I know, it's pretty sad that this kind of thing makes me terribly excited...

I also decided this morning that I was going to make Thursdays my weigh in days, as that was my surgery day. I am going to try my hardest not to weigh in but once a week, as that is what they say you should do, rather than the every day that I was since surgery.

I've already had more than a productive day! I got up and did all my diet management stuff, ran an errand for Good Samaritan, the pet adoption group I foster for, and now I'm home so I can eat some lunch before I head to the grocery store to get the few things on my list, like smoothies (another food alternative), and various other household items. Then I may try to only take a one hour nap, if that, and work on my school stuff for my online class. I still feel great, although a bit full, after already having 16 oz of water, cottage cheese and yogurt. Lunch? REFRIED BEANS! I'm surprised I'm not gassing off something fierce with those things in my system, but all is well.

The incisions are still a bit tender, but healing every day. I have no difficulty getting in or out of the Jeep, in or out of bed, or up and down from the chair, so that's fabulous. I'm a little surprised I'm not peeing more, with all this liquid, but so far so good. Oh, and I've actually sneezed a few times, too, with very little discomfort. I would say, out of 100% healed, I feel as though I've topped 80% at this point.

Wow...

Just when I had almost the worst night of my life, I wake up to the BEST DAY EVER! Last night I hit the sheets around 7:30. It wasn't even a full hour after my last "meal" but I was exhausted. No nap! And my shoulder, OMG! Could that sucker hurt any more than that??? So I crawled into bed, with a half dose of Xtra Strength Tylenol (liquid of course) and a pain pill. I woke up a few times, but only a very few, until about 2am when I awoke to the most excruciating gas pain in my lower abdomen! What the heck??? I was able to alleviate most of it, the usual way, but went back to bed still feeling the residual effects. At some point it must have dissipated because after 12 hours of sleep, I woke up to the feeling that nothing had even happened over the past week! I mean, I felt GOOD!

Part of that might be because I'm so looking forward to my ounce of yogurt this morning. Yum. I also lost another pound, not too shabby. I think I've decided to go by my home scale, since mine and the docs are about three pounds off. I started at 262, according to my scale, but 265 according to his. At the office yesterday I was 254, but I was 252 here, and this morning...(drum roll please...) 251! Either way you look at it, I've lost at least 10 pounds already, IN ONE WEEK! Because today is, officially, ONE WEEK POST OP!

I know this amount of weight loss will not continue, but I do want to start feeling better so I can feel like moving around and walking. The past two days when I have tried to walk, I get that shoulder pain and that's really a great reason NOT to move! Today, so far so good, and I am going to try to work for two hours today...more if I feel up to it. Only problem is, my jeans come right to where one of my incisions are, near my belly button, so I'm sitting here typing with my jeans open, and know I can't do that at work! Not that I'll be sitting there, but I'm anxious to get out of this house and move around! And when I can start moving even more, I need to get that Wii so WE can start using it! hehehehe I know, very clever, and I'm sure I'm the first one ever to say that. I crack myself up.

So next...egg beaters! Yes, I get to go down right now and eat an ounce of egg beaters. Now, you may be saying YUCK! But honey, you try drinking your meals for six solid days...wait...I was all liquids pre op, so SEVEN solid days, only to finally be able to have an ounce of yogurt, which tasted like steak to me, and next, egg beaters, which will probably also taste like steak to me! Then I have to wait 15 minutes before I drink anything. I also have to plan what I need to take in to work with me. I was going to just try to eat something before I go and just drink water those two hours, but that is not a good idea, so I will have to take my little cooler and at least some protein drink with me. No sense being stupid about it! Two days of tolerating this diet and I'm on to real soft foods, like tuna, chicken, etc. and then I only have to eat every two to three hours!

What a great day. I guess you have to really feel like poo poo in order to remember what a great day feels like...and I'm pretty sure, at least so far, this is a great day.

YES! COTTAGE CHEESE!

I never thought I would be so excited to eat real food again! But before you get too psyched for me, it's about 1oz at a time. So, I still have to eat every hour, or should I say eat/drink. Tomorrow morning I get to start with 1oz of yogurt, 5oz of water, 2oz of decaf tea and 2 oz of protein shake. Now the thing about that is, I've only been doing 8 oz total every hour, so this should be very interesting. I'm not worried, I'm actually just excited to be able to try real food again, but the protein drinks stay around. They said if I can tolerate this for two to three days, I move on to even more of a selection, like tuna, chicken, etc. That will be super exciting, but in the meantime, slow is the key.

Another glitch, if you want to call it that, is that I am supposed to get back to my PT job tomorrow. Not sure how that will work, although I did go all day today without a nap. That probably wasn't the best thing to do, but I was at the doc from one to four. I was a little surprised at the people there who did not have their protein drinks with them. I mean, going three hours without the protein has to be a no-no, but I had mine, and I stopped every hour to unzip my little pink ribbon cooler (thanks Josh and Clarissa!) and get what I needed. I'll be filling that little booger up to head to work tomorrow. I wonder if they have a microwave?

I got to meet everyone who had surgery the same day I did, although I was the first one in the OR. Actually, they all had to go to the full blown hospital, I was the only one at the surgery center. They said because I didn't present with as many risks, so I guess that's good. One guy just got out yesterday! Guess he had all kinds of issues! But everything looks good. The nurse said the pain in my shoulder has something to do with nerves, but I had already looked it up online and found what she was saying, so I kind of already knew. Steve bought me some ThermaCare shoulder heat pads tonight and so far it seems they are working.

My PT boss just called and said I sounded better but she still wanted to make sure we had full coverage so she said I should still come in, but not 11-4, we'll just plan on 11-1 instead. If I feel okay after that then I can stay, if not, she's going to have back up, so that's good. I'm sure she would rather have me get better this week, since I'm pretty much on 11-7 every day next week, Monday through Thursday! THAT is going to be a challenge.

I can tell you this. I'm exhausted. One more hour and I can go to bed.

Something New

OUCH! I thought I was doing great! I finally got back on my hourly regimen after learning more about that from my support group, but yesterday I was hit with something new. I was doing well, feeling great, still able to get around, so I had two errands to run. I feel like I'm a prisoner, for the most part, having to stay near all my liquids in order to stay on track, but I know that's temporary. Any who...I ran my first errand, in and out of the bank with no difficulties. Came home, did my hourly thang, then left to run another errand after which I planned to take a nap, which still, by the way, is running about 2 hours. I drove to the store where I work part time to pick up a couple things and then head home. While I was there I started to develop pain in my left shoulder. I wasn't there very long, but the pain was developing into an oh my goodness level pretty quickly. Is this what it felt like when I get full? Is it gas? According to one of my bosses it is just an indication of abdominal injury, or surgery. No matter what, by the time I got home it was severe and as I went to lie down for my nap, there was not a comfortable position no matter what. I got up, took half a dose of liquid Tylenol, and managed to finally fall asleep in about 10-15 minutes.

Unfortunately, the story doesn't stop there. Last night, being a good girl and attempting to get my walk in, I gathered the grand daughters and headed out the door. Nothing major, just down the street and back up again, not even sure how far that is, but by the time we were half way back up the street it started all over again. I could feel pressure in my chest as well as this shoulder pain, and felt as though the deeper the breath I took, the more it hurt. I sat down and relaxed for a bit and when I went to rise from the chair, the shoulder pain slammed me! I went upstairs, attempted to page the nurse, never heard back, but finally it started to dissipate so I went into the bedroom, took a full dose of my Tylenol and attempted to get comfortable in bed. The impossible task. The pain was so severe, even ten minutes later, I broke down and took one of my pain pills. After that, I don't remember much, but I slept like a rock from 8:30 p.m. until 3 a.m.! Thank God I still have some of those pain pills left.

I have my post op appt. today followed by my nutrition class. But as I sat at the computer this morning I thought, GOOGLE THAT PAIN! So I did. And, of course, I found a bunch of info of people still experiencing this pain even four months post op! I surely know by then my pain meds will be gone! Then what? Most of the posts I read said it was still the trapped gasses used during the banding process, with a variety of ways to treat it. Again, lucky for me I have my post op appt. today so I can definitely hit her up for info! And you can bet I will!

Still, absolutely no buyer's remorse, as my husband calls it. NOT AT ALL!

Hunger and Error

I suppose I thought I had it down. The important thing was to get 65 oz. of protein and plenty of water or water based drinks. WRONG! I attended my first support group last night and learned GOBS from these people. It was a small group that has been meeting for a couple years. They bring articles of importance to anyone having WLS (weight loss surgery) and share that information as well as set up hiking dates, etc. Today, is a new day. I'm still losing but my hunger is more than distracting so I knew I was doing something wrong. I'm back to my hourly schedule today, which basically consists of 4oz of water every hour, along with 2oz of a protein drink and 2 oz of another liquid, like broth, sugar free jello, or a sugar free popsicle. Luckily I still haev my cups the hospital gave me, it's like those little medicine cups on top of liquid medicine bottles. I have four. I'm hoping after today my hunger pangs will subside and tomorrow, at my check up, I may very well be given the OK to start on the pre-select soft foods. That diet is also hourly. And I'm really looking forward to it.

The difference is I get to eat some solid foods, not exactly chewing types of food, but sorta. I can have light yogurt, which I love, and can even drink protein shakes, not sure if I can make them with yogurt and skim milk and even some fruit or not, I have to check. A sample hour is 1oz of yogurt, 5oz of water, 2oz of decaf tea, and a 2oz protein shake. I can also have egg beaters, refried beans, puddings (sugar free), and cottage cheese. They also have diluted apple juice on that menu. After I tolerate those foods for a minimum of 2-3 days I can graduate to the full soft food plan where I get to broaden my horizons! I am no graduated to veggies as of then because they want my meals to be 100% protein; tuna, fish, shellfish, poultry, turkey ham, beef jerky, beef, pork, and possibly protein bars. NO PASTA, POPCORN, RICE, BREAD, POTATOES, NUTS, SALADS, OR CHIPS OF ANY KIND. I think that one is a no brainer, but I'm sure they have to spell it out for some people. :)

So, I better get down there and eat (drink) my first hour's requirements. It's not that hard, it's just getting into the routine of having to be here to take everything I need when I need it. If I run errands they will have to be short ones until I figure out how to regulate, which better be soon. I'm back to my PT job on Thursday!

Thanks for keeping track and, of course, your support!

Plugging along!

Wow...already three days post-op and things are definitely getting better, recovery wise. I'm able to drink many more ounces than I was one day post op. I had to literally sip every ounce until I was sure it wouldn't back up. That watery mouth feeling of getting ready to hurl is NOT one I favor, and so far, so good. I would rather err on the side of caution than hurl!

I am getting bored with just plain water, and for some reason, it's just not tasking good to me anymore, so I guess it's time to get some crystal light. I'm really loving those 50 Gram Slams, though. They taste just like chocolate milk and one can has a full 50 grams. If I can down one of those over a period of a day, I'm good. Although that leaves me needing another 10 grams of protein to reach my protein goal every day. I can get up during the night and take two swigs of water now, instead of baby sips, so I'm very happy about that because it seems my mouth is always cotton dry. I think that has a lot to do with my pain meds, so I'm laying off those for today, and just using them at night. I did do quite a bit of walking yesterday, and hope to surpass that today. We are going to the event at Tagawa Gardens for the kitties I have up for adoption, so it will be a nice walk through there and then I can sit for a while. I've got a plan!

Down about eight pounds since surgery, so that's good. I know I'm not supposed to weigh myself every day, so I'll stop until the day of my one week post op appt. But I'll take ten pounds the first week any day! :) My little ticker scale keeps going down, down, down, and that, after all, is well worth waiting to record. :)

Well, I already finished my first four ounces of Isopure. I really love the grape, and am not brave enough to try others at this point. I really love the 50 gram slam though, but it's thicker, so I have to drink it slower.

All in all, as my husband asked me just this morning, "any buyer's remorse?" And that answer would not be no, it would be HELL NO! :) I'm well on my way, although I do miss chewing, but it will all come eventually. I would love to be down about 20 pounds, or more, before the end of August, but I'm not sure that's a realistic goal.

That's about it for today! Thanks for reading!

Almost Naptime

Well, I got out and about today, ran a couple errands, but now it's nap time. I'm really having a hard time getting all the liquids in that I need. I'm terrified that if I drink too much of it I will barf, which has actually nearly happened three times already since my surgery. That is NOT what I want to do, so after all our errands, I'm going to take a nap...zzzzzzzzzzzzz

Saint Steven

As if I needed any confirmation of the fact that my husband loves me, he, once again, proved it times ten. I had a rough first night. I tried to walk as much as I could when I got home from surgery, but the gas was not being released that they put in during surgery to inflate the stomach. It felt good when I crouched over, but as soon as I tried to stand, or lie down, ouch. Steve got up with me the first three times when I had to go to the bathroom, helping me in and out of bed. Then I fell asleep, despite the pain, and when I awoke at 12:30 a.m. to pain, he got up, yet again, and promised he would not let my pain meds wear off, so he set his alarm for four hours later, and again to make sure I would get it every four hours. The man is a saint. He's the best caregiver a woman could ever ask for, and on top of being up all night with me, he's at work today from 6-2:30. I can't imagine how he's staying alert.

Regarding yesterday, everything went well, I was out of there by 2:30, and home. I started getting nauseous on my way home in the Jeep, but figured it was because I decided to take a nap, and when that happened, I opened my eyes, and kept deep breathing until the feeling passed. The LAST thing I wanted to do was barf! It happened again last evening, and once again I let it pass without actually barfing. All I could think of was the terrible pain I was already in and that I really didn't want more of it! :)

I've been sitting at my computer now for about 30 mins. and I'm already tired. It's time to go recline. My goal I set today was to walk up to the mailbox around 12:30 but that depends on the weather. Not sure how hot it will be, but that's my day after surgery goal. Oh, and they ended up doing three incisions instead of one, probably because when they got in there, Dr. Snyder discovered a hiatel hernia, which he repaired. That was the only complication, so it added time to the surgery, but I think it's also adding to my pain.

I've got to go lie down. I'll be back...

New Life

I am still ready...even after not having anything to eat all day. I never, ever imagined how much I would miss food. Plus clear liquids are not that fun, which was all today, but for three weeks without being able to have food. I know I won't feel much like it anyway, but after today I never even realized how often I think about food.

I had to sit in an all day training today and watch everyone eat their huge lunches, everything from a salmon salad to a swiss mushroom burger...and then, in the afternoon, cookies...not your ordinary, every day cookies, gourmet cookies...and then, as I was driving home, I almost instinctively turned into a Burger King for a snack...of course I didn't. But the subconscious thoughts going through my mind were primarily about food!? I don't know if it's just because my stomach had been growling for about two hours, on and off, and it is again by the way, or if my lifestyle had just been that food driven. I guess I'm about to find out.

Tonight I get to shower with that horribly smelly soap they gave me. Then, as if that won't be fun enough, I get to shower in it, again, at 5am to do it all over again! I just hope my shampoo covers the stench of that soap, and I'm still sitting here wondering if it will turn my skin brown! Hey, if it does, maybe I'll use it as tanner for the rest of this summer...NOT! hehehe

Man, am I grumpy! I sure hope my hubby doesn't have to put up with this for too long! At least tomorrow I hope to be pretty doped up afterward, so I'm not too worried about that, although I do need to probably get up and walk now and again. With all the liquids, it will more than likely be the urge to pee that will get me up. hehehe

I don't think I'm really scared, although I will admit to a few death thoughts. I keep joking that watch me be the one to croak since I have virtually no medical issues and they think it's a slam dunk. hehehehe But hey, it's not in my plan so I will just not think too much about that anymore. I do know this will all be worth it, and I have an amazing network to fall back on. So...this is probably the last time you will hear from me until I'm well enough to get on and update this. So, on a wing and a prayer...my prayers and yours.

Yikes...my official two days before surgery photos. Talk about adding ten pounds! NOT FOR LONG!

TWO DAYS TO GO!

Two days pre-op. I have my pre-op appt. today and Delicia is going along. I actually get to see my surgeon again, only the second time, actually the third if you count the seminar. But after that I get all my pre-op stuff done and then...wait...

With the bank screw-up I don't have any money to buy the liquid protein I need to have tomorrow, but I'm sure things will work out okay. I don't get paid until Friday, but we got Steve's check deposited, now we just have to wait for it to clear and I can get my necessities for the hospital, pre surgical diet, and post surgical diet. I think I'm pretty ready, although I began thinking today that I really don't have anything very comfy to wear to and from the hospital. Jeans are probably not a great idea, and I'll need something loose fitting to make sure it doesn't aggravate my incision site. I'm still really hoping for only one of those, but up to three I guess would be okay.

I spend over an hour last night looking at before and after photos of hundreds of people on obesity.com. I know it will be a slow process, but with my past successes, I know this will also be a success. I have so many people pulling for me. Excited that I've made this decision and anxious for it to be done, the surgery I mean. Everyone gets so scared when it comes to surgery, and I guess I'm thinking, it's laproscopic, what can go wrong? Well, maybe I shouldn't be so confident, but I am. I'm thinking more like a cake walk, myself. No diet pun intended. hehehehe

Even my boss at my new part time job is excited for me. I started thinking this morning, would I have hired my fat butt to do this type of work? Unfortunately, I answered that I would not have, and that perhaps me telling her in the interview about my upcoming surgery was what helped me get that job. It's very interesting when you look at life through the eyes of a fat person, knowing there is something more inside, but not getting the respect or credit you deserve. But that's all about to change, isn't it. And the first person I am excited to respect me, and give me credit, is ME!

Independence Day!

Five more days...it's definitely hard to believe the time is passing so quickly. It's very ironic that everyone feels like they want to hang out BEFORE the surgery. It's like I'm dying or something! I think people feel like I won't be able to have fun afterward, and I guess I've been wondering about things as well. So I made a list of some things...

Things I will miss:
chewing for three to six weeks
eating certain foods, I'm not sure what they may be

Things I will not miss:
sitting on a chair in the grass only to have the legs sink in
wearing old lady clothes instead of really cute ones
feeling tired and not having any energy
not caring about how I look
being comfortable getting into, and out of, the Jeep
not being embarrassed to be out in public
getting winded walking up the stairs
not being able to fit between clothing racks at the store

Obviously there are many more things I will not miss...and that's a great thing.