Almost 2010...

Mere days until 2010 and what have I to look forward to? SHOPPING! Yes, shopping. I'm now in a size 18, and still finding things in my closet that now fit. That's always fun. Matter of fact, I'm wearing a new pair of old jeans now! I am trying to think about when I bought them. I remember I was with my friend Lisa, the shopaholic, but darn good at it! I bought these jeans and a top that I can also now get into. I'm very excited about that. I also now have one full green trash bag full of clothes that I will NEVER wear again, and THAT also feels great! I did have to go buy a new winter coat, as I didn't have one that fit well and the nurse at Dr. Snyder's office said it was about time I got a new one. hehehe So, of course, I did.

Also, I need to find my motivation to exercise. I know that joining a gym will not be it. One thing is, I need to get moving to lose more weight. I think I've hit my first plateau, at least it feels like it to me. I'm still doing great with my band, and had my second adjustment, which REALLY feels like I'm restricted now. It's pretty funny, it's the first time since the surgery that I really do feel that restriction. I got pretty sick last night, but I think it was because the chicken we cooked in the crock pot had too much grease on it. It was the first time I felt nauseous, not just "full", to the point of barfing. Not fun, and not much, but then I had horrible heart burn when I went to bed. Needless to say, although there is lots of chicken left, I won't be eating any more of THAT! But overall, the adjustment is just right.

I've also gotten into bad habits, like not journaling my food. I have the website to go to, but have only used it to adjust my weight and to update when I get adjustments. Other than that, I'm not using it as I should. I guess I haven't done too bad, though, because I just put in my foods from yesterday and I'm getting more than enough proteins in. However, I also feel like I'm getting in too many calories. Time to get back on that web horse!

But, overall, I'm definitely looking forward to 2010. First, the field trips we do at the end of the school year will be MUCH easier, physically! I still want to hit goal by my one year anniversary, which means I HAVE to get moving! But, overall, I already feel so much better about myself, and my husband REALLY notices. :) He keeps calling me skinny, which of course I'm far from, but I guess since he saw me 55 pounds heavier, it might look that way to him. :) But, that's why he's my husband, complete with rose-colored glasses. :)

So, as I move, more quickly than years before, into the new year, I have so much to look back on in 2009 and know I am heading in the right direction for 2010. :)

TIGHT!

Wow...that was a learning experience. Slime number two! She said soft foods today, I was starving last night as all I could eat was breakfast yesterday, at 6 a.m. and never could have anything else. She said fluids only. So, that's what I had. Water. And when I got home last night I had a smoothie. This morning she said soft foods, so I made myself my eggs, but instead of frying them (I use a fat free spray in the pan) I scrambled them with a little bit of cheese so they didn't dry out much, took two small bites and regretted it all the way to school! It took 20 minutes for it to settle, and finally when I arrived at school, I wasn't swallowing my spit anymore! Yikes!

Guess I'll take it easy today, but hopefully it's not too tight! I am now down 52 pounds! Woo Hoo! I have to get my proteins in, though. I have some powder to add to water that is a protein drink, so that will help, and I will probably try cottage cheese (no sunflower seeds though) and some yogurt, which should go down nicely. I would really love to know how this works, exactly, I mean, how much space is there now with 6.8 cc of fluid in there? A quarter sized stoma? Sometimes, in the past two years, I would have loved to be able to see inside my body. Like how, exactly, does food cause me to slime? Where is it getting stuck? I know that sounds odd, but really, I would love to watch it while I eat and see how it works. Odd ball. hehehe

But, back on track. Now I need to get MOVING! Exercise has still eluded me. Not that I've been seeking it out. Bad girl.

ADJUSTMENT NUMBER 2!

Four CCs the first time, 2.25CCs this time. Up to 6.25 CCs of liquid and still losing! Duh! I had my second adjustment today and all went well. I was excited when I saw Amanda rather than Kim, whom I was supposed to see. Honestly, I never have seen Kim, and have grown really fond of Amanda, so it really didn't matter, but I was happy to see her there, and then I got to have her as my nurse. Anyway, it's one of those things where you bond with someone and learn to trust them, and the last thing I need is a monkey wrench in the works, so for me, all is well.

And I'm still losing. Down one half pound since yesterday and that was even after having a bit of yummy, and very fat-filled, egg nog that my teammate brought in for me. No, no alcohol, but hopefully it will in a day or so! hehehe I feel so on track, still, and finally experienced sliming. Okay, it's not something I had really yearned to experience, but it was a good thing to know what it was and that I NEVER want to do it again! Pot Roast. I asked Steve to buy a pot roast we could put in the crock pot. It was delicious, but it was also a bit on the dry side. I had eaten nearly one slice when it hit. It wasn't going down. I swallowed, and swallowed, as my throat filled with saliva, but still, no deal. I just kept swallowing. Finally, after a few minutes, I could finish my carrots, but what an experience. As I said, one I care NOT to repeat. Although today at my appt. it happened again. This time, however, it was intentional.

For this appt. she inserted a LOT of saline into my band. She said the way she wanted to adjust it was to over fill it, then ease some out so that it's the perfect fill. They brought in two little cups of water and a straw. She inserted the needle, had me drink, slowly, and sure enough, within my last sip from one cup, I got that feeling again. FROM WATER! She eased a little out until I felt it go away, and drank the other cup. All good. So, I supposedly am at the right level now, although I can't eat solids until tomorrow, which sucks because I haven't eaten since 6am! Yikes. My energy is fading but I'm okay. YAY FOR ME!

HAPPY HOLIDAYS!

DECEMBER ALREADY! I know I've really fallen behind in my blogging so maybe I can catch up right now.

I'm down 51 pounds now and I feel really good. I am hoping that this trend continues, however because I'm starting to get hungry and find I can eat more than usual, it's time for another adjustment. I have an appt. for next week.

I guess I thought it would be drastically different for me, like a complete and total lifestyle change, and I guess it has been, but not as much as some describe. Some people say they can't eat any pasta anymore, or certain foods, because the foods don't agree with them, but I haven't found a food that didn't like me yet...or ever. :)

I do find I'm dedicated to this program, just as I have been with all other programs, but this time I really feel this will work for me. It feels too easy, at times, and other times I know I could be getting more calories, some good, some bad. Thanksgiving was good. I even treated myself to a small sliver of pumpkin pie. And I relished every single delicious taste. I went up about 2.5 pounds over that break, but mostly because I sat on my butt and really didn't DO anything! The food was secondary. However, after only three days back at work, I'm down all that, back to my minus 51 pounds. Actually, I'm halfway there, if I look at it the way I should.

My actual goal is 145, which is quite the lofty goal. However, I will be MORE than happy with 150, not that I'm changing my goal, but even now this feels good where I am, so either way.

I guess I'll have to do another post since my time has run out and here come my students! Where does my planning time go... Sigh... No wonder I have no time to eat!

BUBYE 50 POUNDS!!!!

I DID IT! DOWN 50 POUNDS! I can hardly believe it! Four months and 50 pounds, quite the accomplishment! My next goal is 16 pounds, so I can get the heck out of the 200s but other than that, it's down, down, down! What a great way to start the day!

Always great to meet new people!

I never imagined that going to a party would end up in my meeting two more people who had weight loss surgery, but that's exactly what happened!

Last night we attended a party for Halloween and lo and behold, the dad of my friend's boyfriend had Lap band in February and has lost 98 pounds! We talked in depth, which was really great, and he's 73 and doing great! I guess he works out like two hours a day, and he said now, if he doesn't, he really misses it. I told him that was my downfall. Then, he comes back later and introduces me to the DJ at the party, who had bypass a while ago and has lost like 300 pounds! It was a very inspirational evening, and it was so great to talk to them. Both!

Wow...here we go!

Minus 44.5 and counting! Sometimes it gets a little discouraging when people don't notice, but what I have to realize is that the people around me have seen me at this weight before! MANY TIMES! Thus the surgery!

I have about 21 pounds to go to be in the 100's again, and that just seems unimaginable. I am trying to remember the last time I was at this weight. I know it's been a long while, but now, I'll reach it before Christmas! How do I know? Well, I am just hoping it all keeps going the way it has, although I've had my weeks where it seems nothing happens. Lucky for me, (dripping with sarcasm), it also appears I'm going through menopause. Lovely. Hot flashes, night sweats, and honestly, it's really not that bad, but I'm very happy it's not affecting my weight loss. I have a group meeting tonight that I'm going to attend because they say it's a good idea, but honestly? I feel like I'm on track, doing well, and still losing, so I don't really feel like I need to go, but I will. Maybe I can be an inspiration to others, like the gal who has been banded for over a year only to lose 25 pounds. I would kill myself if that happened to me, not really, but maybe one of these meetings she'll be inspirated by someone, or something. I want to be there to see that.

If I average my weight loss, 44.5 pounds over a 14 week period comes to darn near 3 pounds a week. If I keep that up, that means by New Year's, I can be down another 18 pounds, if I only lose two per week! HOLY CRAP! Of course I want to be down 25 by then, so I have a firm goal in mind...I said firm...hehehehe

I still have yet to get the inspiration to exercise. I need to pull this Wii Fit out and start it once a day. I keep saying, I'll do it in the morning, then morning comes and I say, I'll do it in the evening...and so on, and so forth. And still, here it is, more than three months past my surgery and I have yet to do squat, or should I say squats. hehehe I guess I justify it and say that as long as I'm still losing, why exercise, but then I see the roll of my belly, and the sag of my arms. That will all be fine while it's winter and everything is covered, but by next summer, I hope to be at goal, and then, well, better get moving now!

In the meantime, I'm very excited to be going down as well as I am, and feeling no real deprivation. I had a very tiny piece of cake today, and felt as though I was totally cheating, but yesterday, when the cake was flying around, and Saturday, when all the cupcakes were being made, no worries. I do know that it's more head hunger than anything, that makes me crave. I find I want to eat more when I'm sitting downstairs, than when I'm away from the t.v. but the t.v. isn't even on, so it's something about logisitics, I fear. hehehe Good thing we don't have lots of junk in the house, but actually, we kind of do. I'm okay, though. Two glasses of wine on Saturday night, one yesterday, and really? I'm still losing, so good for me.

GOAL #1 MET!!!!

HOORAY!!!! I DID IT! 40 pounds gone forever! Wow! I can't tell you what a glorious morning it was to wake up and realize I finally reached my first goal! Next? -26 to get the heck OUT OF THE 200S FOREVER!

And to celebrate, I'm going to go buy a new pair of slacks! Or maybe jeans... MAYBE BOTH!

So very close!

I'm so close to -40 pounds I can feel it! Once again I'm fighting a cold, which I was hoping would not happen as much as it has in the past. Actually, I think it is more my asthma rearing its ugly head, so I have been using my albuterol again, at least twice a day. The other negative side effect of this cough is that sometimes I get to coughing so much, my port hurts. It feels like the muscle is pulling and it burns like crazy! Another day or two of this and I'll email my doctor to see if she has any extra strength super powered cough medicine I can take at night. I was up at 3am today coughing up a lung. Not fun for me, and also for Steve, who has to get up at 5am each day. I even bought a new humidifier last night, which was working fabulously, but apparently not helping much.

I actually went shopping over the weekend! yay! I got a couple pair of slacks for work, size 18, which is only a size below what I was wearing, so I'm a little disappointed, however one pair I wore yesterday is already big! So I guess I could venture into size 16s in some styles, but I'll wait. No sense in feeling like a sausage quite yet! hehehe And I can't wear things that are too tight at the waist because it presses on my port and hurts, so I'll just ease on down the sizes as I'm supposed to. Besides, sizes are so freakin' wierd! I have 18s at home that I can't fit into yet, and then I go buy three pair and one fits great, the other is a bit large, and I haven't tried the other pair on yet. So I'm not putting much stock in sizes at this point, I just feel good knowing I'm headed down the weight loss path, and I'm loving it! Now to get rid of this cough!

a little over 1/4 of the way there!

Wow...down 35 pounds, although I'll admit I thought it would be more by now. I haven't done my measurements in a while, though, so I think I may try to do that this weekend. I need all the encouragement I can get. I'm not getting disappointed or anything, I'm still very motivated and happy to be missing that 35 pounds, but as usual, I want more. Guess I should be used to that by now.

I did wear a brand new pair of jeans to school today, but ended up unbuttoning them within the first two class periods. When I wear things that are too tight, my port hurts, so I guess I'll just have to wait to wear them correctly, when I lose about ten more pounds. But that's ok. I have time...at least I hope so!

I actually got to enjoy sushi last weekend, which was a real treat. It was probably the cheapest sushi date we've ever had! I ate all of two gyoza dumplings, two ebi (shrimp) without the rice, and three pieces of California Roll, which I savored as long as I could. I am so happy it all worked out well, so I know I can enjoy that again sometime. Oh, and did I mention the rice wine? heheheh Yeah, couldn't have sushi without it!

I'm back to my part time job this weekend. Only four hours on Sunday, but it's been over a month and a half. We'll see, but I don't anticipate any problems. I just have to get back into the grind. Sometimes I feel like $7/hour isn't enough, but it gets me off my butt and I enjoy catching up with people and seeing other teachers. I just hope we are busy and the time goes by quickly.

That's about it for now. I'm not writing in this as often as I know I should, but now that school started...well, who has time to do anything!

Been too long...

Wow, has it really been that long? I guess when life gets busy, it doesn't mess around! I'm still doing very well, probably ready for an adjustment sooner than my October appt. but I'm not sure how convenient it will be to get, so I'm putting it off. The weight is not going down as quickly as it was, but still going down. I really need to adjust my proteins again, and have even fallen back in doing my food journaling online. I've fallen into a routine, and it's not the best one. I'm still eating very well, doing all the right things, well, except for exercising. I definitely need to get into that habit, but in the meantime, I think I'll just be good about my eating. I'll kick it in soon! I promised myself I would!

DOWN 30 POUNDS!!!

OMG! I MADE IT TO 30 POUNDS! 30 pounds in almost two months, not too shabby! If I keep this up, I will hit my goal by next summer and then, I'M GOING ON VACATION! hehehehe Well, it would be nice! Maybe even somewhere I can wear a swimsuit! Thanks for sharing my journey with me!

ALMOST TO -30!

Well! I survived my friend's wedding and this morning, BRUNCH! It's a seafoo brunch so i already know I'm probably going to have about a dozen, or less, shrimp and call it good, but oh man, am I looking forward to it! I already called ahead and asked about pricing, as the brunch is very expensive and I do not want my friend to have to swallow the whole cost of me eating, as I can hardly eat anything! I surely can't brunch out! But this morning, and stepping on the scale, even after having a small glass of wine yesterday, and going down another half a pound, well, I'm ecstatic! :)

I also did my measurements and I'm down seven inches. At least it's starting to come off my abdomen and legs now, not just my boobs and arms! It's just a great day all the way around! I still feel odd talking about my surgery to some people, only because they look at me and think, "well, you have a LOOOONG WAY TO GO", BUT THAT'S OKAY! I know I have 90+ pounds to go to hit my goal, but I know it will happen and so I try not to think about it too much.

I am also feeling a little better about myself. I just looked at a photo from New Year's Eve, eight months ago, and HOLY FAT! My face is almost competely round! I just have to show you...

And a TODAY comparison?







I sure hope YOU can see the difference! And that's only 29 pounds! JUST WAIT!

Three Days Later

So, three days into the new school year... I've been at the same weight and I'm getting hungry, so I don't know if I haven't been eating enough protein, substantial protein, or what. I had tuna for dinner at 5pm and so far I'm not hungry, so I guess I need to make sure I eat more of that kind of stuff and lay off the yogurt, so much. I felt like I couldn't be satisfied today when it came to food, and perhaps it's because I forget to eat until it's too late. Anyway, I'll be watching to make sure I stay full longer with my protein bars and tuna for lunch tomorrow. Perhaps that will make a difference. Other than that I'm a little disappointed that I haven't lost anything in the past four days. I was going down about 1/2 pound every other day, up until two days ago, but the MONTHLY DEMON was visiting so perhaps that had something to do with it.

I've also got this terrible metallic taste in my mouth that is really bugging me. It starts right about every afternoon and continues through the night. It tastes awful! I tried chewing gum, but it was too spicy/hot. I know, I'm a wimp. And I'm also not supopsed to chew gum, so geez. I guess I could look into some sugar free mints. I don't know, but it really is a yucky taste. I cannot wait each night to chew my vitamin! At least IT tastes great!

Oops!

Okay, so it's been a while. I know, but tis the season! No, I don't mean the holidays, I mean that school has begun! The great news is that I'm down 27 pounds to start it off! I am still doing well, although I'm not sure I can keep eating the same things I have been. I long to be able to branch out, but when school is in session it's convenience first, so I bought a turkey chili to try, since soup was my biggest thing last year, quick and easy. I also need to make sure I find some protein bars to tide me over during my mid meals. But other than that, I feel great! And, to start a new school year, that's a good thing. :)

Monday Blues

Not sure where this is coming from, but I feel crappy. I started out okay, had my egg beaters for breakfast, then went to my nutrition class. Afterward I got my first fill, not too bad, actually. I was freaking myself out a little but overall it wasn't bad, and now I know where my port is! It's not like any shot, because when you get a shot, they pierce the skin, deliver the goods, and they are out of there. With a fill, they pierce the skin, then have to poke, hard, into the port, which is made of a rather hard substance, apparently. The same on the way out, it almost has to be yanked. Now, I don't mean to freak anyone out, it really was not bad at all, it was just, I don't know, odd. A very strange feeling. But it all went well and it's over. This time.

She told me I have the Realize Band that is an "11", not the "9" they used to have. I'm not sure if that means it holds 11 ccs of fluid or what, and I was too freaked out to ask, but today she gave me 4 and a half ccs, which is quite a bit, apparently. It kind of freaked me out to get so much, but another gal came out after I did and she got that much, too. The good news is, if it's too much, the nurse at Dr. Snyder's office lives just a few miles from me and she said if it's an emergency she can unfill right at her house. Whew! But, so far so good. I had my liquids this afternoon, which is all I should have for 4-6 hours. Then I had some yogurt, which was also fine, at least so far. I'll try some cottage cheese when I get home from dropping off our foster kitty at her new home. I"ll miss her. :-(

I can still feel a little bit where she poked me, but honestly, it was easier than giving blood, and I'm really used to that. I won't be afraid to do it again. And that's a good thing. But back to my funk. I feel down. I am not sure where it's coming from, and I can't really explain what's happening, but I guess I'll reflect on it and come back to it. Later.

Support

It's great to have so much support. Especially close to home. My whole family has been so supportive and I have no complaints there, but I will say that my support group through Dr. Snyder's office has to be one of the best support groups ever! Last night I met with them for the second time. They meet every other Monday each month, and I'm going to work hard to make each and every meeting. They don't meet until 7pm, and it's only an hour and a half long, but I have met so many great people, who are supportive and amazingly helpful! I'm all about not reinventing the wheel, so I sit, listen, then ask gobs of questions. I wonder if they are used to that? It seems the members have all been going there for years, and I'm the newbie, but that's okay. I can tell when I ask a question they are all anxious to help me through this and that's a great feeling.

Down another half a pound, even though I have been feeling more hunger. I was advised last night to start eating more solid proteins. They say yogurt is great, but it's not very filling and won't stay for very long, but I am not about to give it up, so I will just have to make sure my main meals are going to be much more filling and work on a little more variety. Still logging my meals, although I did fail to log the very small handful of trail mix yesterday. I guess it goes to prove I don't have to kill myself and do without, but taking it moderately easy on myself is the best way to go. That salty sweet treat was just the ticket, and I was back on track immediately following. Plan your cheats, they say. Hey, at least it was cheesecake or something! :) I'M STILL DOING GREAT!

Getting Hungry...

Yeah, I guess the honeymoon phase is over. I'm hungry. Well, I feel hunger more often now, but my head hunger is beginning to get the best of me. Last night, sitting at a dinner with Claire, all the stuff on the table was beckoning to me. I gave in and ate two very small cubes of cheddar cheese and two very small coin-sized ham pieces. Nothing I hadn't had before, but it was just before dinner so I knew dinner was coming, (my burger), but I couldn't stand to sit there and not eat. Then, afterward, we went to a bar to see some family. I walked in with my bottle of water, and sat there. I didn't really know anyone, but watched as everyone else drank a nice beer...and today, I'm craving. And that's not good. I guess I better figure out how to handle this...and quick.

ONE WEEK OFF!

Sounds almost ludicrous to say, seeing as I'm already on summer break, but I've been working three solid six hour days at the store and I'm beat! I didn't sleep well last night, either, but hopefully I can make up for that tonight. I decided, because I am not seeing a great big difference in pants size, that I would take some measurements to attest to my 20.5 pound loss thus far. Well, I'm down 3.5 inches as well! The psychologist said that I should keep good documentation about weight and measurements because of my inability to SEE any difference. Do I feel any different? Nope. Well, I can tell my boobs shrank. hehehe Great, just the place I wanted to start losing first! But hey, it will all even out...proportionately... HOPEFULLY!

I decided that I wasn't getting enough protein in, since I ran out of cottage cheese, so I made myself a protein shake for breakfast this morning and I'M STUFFED! Nothing too fancy, just skim milk and vanilla protein, and it tasted great! I can't wait to add some fruit to it! I looked, but no bananas, which was fine. It did the trick and I'm half way to my protein intake for today, which is a great head start! I may have to do that every morning!

I have started thinking about my school schedule and wondering how I'm going to do the every two to three hour meals. I mean, I teach for two hours in the morning, then have planning, so that will work, but then I have three hours in the afternoon, which I guess would work too after I make sure I eat lunch before they come back. I am going to have to really be careful, because I was so used to getting so busy and not eating...can't make that mistake anymore but it will take great discipline! Not like when I was at the store and missing a meal. Bad girl!

It's still strange to be so focused on food in such a different way. Before, I would think about what I was going to eat and what I was hungry for. Now, I think about what to eat, but not what I'm hungry for, rather what I can have! I can't wait until my nutrition expands, but then I think it's going to be even harder. How can I get protein in when the list expands? I'm going to have to make sure I make a plan, and I'm sure my nutrition class will help a lot.

Time to get on with my day!

Okay, it's back!

I loaded a new ticker on my blog...watch that scale go down, down, down!

Where's my Ticker????

Just as my ticker is going down, it disappears! I've still not figure out the best way to post that on this blog, but anyway, I'M DOWN 20 LBS!!! Almost four weeks out and I'm down 20 pounds! That leaves 100 pesky pounds to go! And although that seems like a huge amount, well, let's face it, it is, and I also don't expect to be able to keep up a five pound a week average weight loss, I feel SUPER GREAT!!!! I will feel better when I start feeling it in my clothing size! I was truly hoping to be able to get into a smaller size by the time school was back in, that only gives me two weeks, and I just wonder if another ten pounds by then is reasonable, or will actually show.

I'm not getting discouraged, no, not in the least, but I really was hoping that the "ten pounds is a dress size" would hold true this time, as it has before. Apparently it's all losing from my boobs! As I do feel I'm ready for a smaller bra size, but not quite yet. Don't get me wrong, I do feel the difference in my tops I'm wearing, as far as them becoming more loose, my jeans, not so much, but with another 100 pounds to go, and I haven't even started exercising heavily yet, because I can't for another two weeks, well, who knows. I guess losing the weight is only part of this adventure!

Guess I better go figure out how to get my ticker back on this blog...

Smaller meals?

The past few days I don't know what it is, but I always feel full. Even now, I look at the clock, it's been two hours, it's almost lunch time, and I'm stuffed! I had my egg beaters, cheese, and ham for breakfast, which has been fine, but it's two hours later and I still feel it! Maybe it's the water, but who knows. It's quite odd eating only 1/2 cup of food per meal and even eating when I'm not that hungry. Still hitting about 600 calories a day, and making my protein minimum of 65 grams per day.

Yesterday I had to start taking iron pills. My dizziness and vertigo was getting the best of me so I definitely had to do something. I think they are too big, though, but we'll try it again today and see if I tolerate it. It's always an adventure when I try a new food or anything solid. Yesterday I had a burger (93% lean). It was so small! I laughed when Steve finished making them, but boy was it enough!

In three weeks I'm going to be able to graduate to solid foods, pretty much be normal. Whatever that looks like! I'm also going to be able to participate more fully in working out, although I don't know what that might look like yet. I honestly need to get into a regular workout routine, but I'm not sure when I can! As usual I've over-scheduled myself, with school getting back in session in another few weeks and my part time job. If I can't fit exercise in now, how will I then? I still would love to join a gym, I think it might give me more accountability, but we don't have the money for that quite yet.

So, three weeks post op, down 19 pounds...I'm definitely not complaining.

Never thought I would say this...

Is it coming off too fast??? I'm down another pound today. I had to laugh at myself because the fact is, a week ago I was freaking out about not losing anything, and now I'm melting! The problem is, I feel lethargic, and I've awakened in the night two nights in a row now with a queasy feeling. I went and had blood drawn yesterday to see how my levels are, which is always important, but even more so at this point. I don't think my iron is an issue anymore because my ring finger is not black anyway, but I'm still having mild dizziness and some vertigo and I'm wondering, honestly, if I'm eating enough.

Today I'm going to do my best to eat all the meals. I mean, I've been missing about one, but I think I need to eat closer to when I go to bed. I'm going to do yogurt when I get up, well, as soon as I'm done typing this, then I'll have my bigger meal, my egg beaters, cheese and ham, around mid morning. I'll go from there. I'm also running into the problem of getting sick of eating the same things. I think I need to get some chicken breasts and grill them. This canned chicken is starting to taste like the tuna, which I can no longer stand. I just keep wanting some pasta with it! hehehe Not really, just to cut the flavor of tuna, or maybe a piece of bread, which I also cannot have. I'm going to do this the right way, darn it, but I feel weak and guess we'll just see what the blood test from yesterday shows.

In the meantime, who can be sad about being down 19 pounds? NOT ME! At this point I will hit my goal in a year for sure! Next summer is going to be very different than this one was...very different.

I'M MELTING!!!!!

WOW! I guess I was wondering if it was going to continue after that one week stall, but then I realized it was all "monthly stuff"! Once that was over with, it started coming off in sheets! I'm down another pound in just two days! That makes like four pounds in a week! Actually, when I try to think of how much in how many days it just gets confusing. I also have three different tickers going on. Well, okay, two. One is on ObesityHelp.com and I can't remember when I started that one but the good news is that all of them are synched with exactly where I want to get to! At this rate, I could be down to a 16 by the time I head back to school! That sure would free up my wardrobe compared to the end of last year!

The one website I'm mainly keeping track with is my Realize Band website. I keep my food diary on there, which is super easy, and my weight also. It helps me track when I get my adjustments and when I have appointments and it emails me! Of course, my food diary isn't all that extensive right now anyway. Yogurt, cottage cheese, egg beaters, weight watchers shredded Mexican cheese, protein pudding, and that's really about it. Oh yeah, cheese sticks. Did you know there are 8 grams of protein in those buggers? But they have to be the low fat ones, mozzarella. Jenn found them for me at Walmart's food area. Of course the girls like them, too, so that makes keeping them difficult. hehehe

My diet is so limited right now, I actually prefer it. No guesswork, but on the other hand, I'm ready to branch out a little, so today when I go to the store I'm going to look into maybe getting some ham to add to my egg beaters in the morning. I'm still only getting about 600 calories a day. And can't really start serious exercising until my six weeks are up, but I'm doing little bits here and there. Right now I'm going through a low iron thing, so I'm going to get some iron pills from the store today. I hate feeling lethargic and weak, and the dizziness and vertigo is something I would rather not live with.

So off to start my busy day, 18 pounds lighter than three weeks ago...I think I can live with that.

I'VE BROKEN THE 250 MARK!

WOW! I can hardly believe it! I mean, I expect it, but here I go! My scale, unlike the ticker on this page, is at 248.5! The ticker can't register .5 pounds, and how stupid is that, since every half a pound counts! Anyway, I erred on the side of caution and put in 249, since I still have that half a pound to go to hit 248. hehehe Yes, I'm going to quibble about half a pound!

My first indication that I was losing again was when I stepped on the Wii Fit yesterday and did my weight. It said I lost 2.5 pounds since I last was on it...six days ago! I know, I need to do it every day, but I'm still a little over three weeks away from being able to really work out. Actually, I may have done more than I should have yesterday because this morning I woke up and had two severe bouts of vertigo! It was really scary! Luckily I was still in bed, but I have no idea why that happened so I'm going to take it a little easier today!

I'm just happy that even though I'm not hungry often, I'm still fighting some cravings for "just a bite" and I realize it's my head, not my hunger, so, so far, so good. I'm also happy that I'm experimenting a little with my foods I can have, like my canned chicken breast. I heated up 1/2 cup of that with a sprinkle of Mrs. Dash, 1/4 cup of Weight Watcher's shredded Mexican chesse and a tablespoon of chicken broth to give it more moisture and it was actually palatable! The only thing that would have made it better was having it on a slice of bread! But I'm definitely not there! I am getting really good at knowing my head hunger from my body hunger, because nine times out of ten when I "feel" hunger, it's because I just saw a commercial on tv or heard someone say something about dinner. If anything I need to be a little more diligent in making sure I eat the meals I need to. More than one time this week I didn't eat my evening snack before bed. That's not good.

I'm only averaging about 600 calories a day, but I'm usually hitting my proteins right on or above. Yesterday I think I had about 83 grams of protein and only 600 some calories, so that's pretty good, and I made sure I had all my meals, even if I wasn't hungry, because I know I have to get my protein in. It feels like it's been forever, even though I'm only two and a half weeks POST OP! hehehe It does feel pretty good not to ruminate on food so much, always having to think about what my next meal is going to be. Right now I have so few options it's not all that difficult! And I do like what I'm eating. I LOVE yogurt, and could eat that at each meal! I do find I can eat the entire 6oz. container, which is nice. I thought I was going to have to waste some of it! I also love cottage cheese, and actually mixed some with a little bit of tuna the other day and found it to be pretty good.

Well, with all that talk of food, and my two vertigo episodes this morning...I better get down and eat my egg beaters! :)

WHEW!

Boy, that was some week! I was, overall, disappointed by my weight loss stall, however it was going to be hard to beat my original 13 pound loss, I was sure. FINALLY this morning the scale moved. Yes, I did weigh myself before yesterday, because I was feeling like I was losing, but not seeing it on the scale, but this morning, I finally saw it. It wasn't much, but it was there, so here we go! I'm hoping, at least, that this is the start of more to come!

I'm still only eating just over 600 calories a day, which of course is more than enough to sustain me since I'm definitely not feeling hungry all the time, but know when I am. I'm also into a good eating routine, although I'm still not sure how this will all work when I am back to school! I have actually not been having my evening snack, which is probably bad, but I hit my protein mark each day, so I guess it's not that bad. Hey, I'm not hungry, so that's a plus.

Long way to go, but watch that ticker go down, down, down people! IT'S GOING!

Tough Work Week Ahead...Caution

Tonight's three hours was a drop in the bucket. For the next three days, I'm on from 11-7! Now is where the rubber meets the road! Now that the summer is nearly gone, I wonder what I was thinking when I took this job, but the fact is, I like it, it's just that now it's a little harder for me to keep up, but I know that will come. Once again, tomorrow, I'll be packing up my foods. I find myself tending to eat simpler things. Tomorrow I want to try that canned chicken with a little bit of fat free mayo and maybe some of that weight watcher's shredded cheese. The good thing about working is that I plan it all out. Today, I planned my day in meals and didn't stick to it. Thus, I ended up with fewer than 65 proteins. Not good.

So, tonight, I'm working, and as I walk by the laminator at the store, I see a bag of Pepperidge Farm cookies. You are never going to believe this. I reached for the bag! No! I'm not kidding! I stopped, caught myself, and was just blown away at how automatic that had nearly been. It's the first time since my surgery that I had that experience, and of course it really wasn't a temptation, nor was I hungry, but what a great example of how my impulses used to work!

I'm really loving my protein packed pudding, though. This pistacio is almost gone, then I have lots of other flavors, and I may try to mix in two scoops this time. I figure the more I pack in there, the better it will be, protein-wise.

I'm pretty tired tonight, heading off to bed in a few minutes. Just in case I don't blog in the next couple days, refer to the title of this blog...and stay tuned...

Sunday, already?

Yup, you guessed it, everything is going great! Which is why I haven't written. I did have my first "full and uncomfortable" feeling yesterday at work, though. Which I thought was well worth blogging about. I have been really erring on the side of caution when it comes to eating my 1/2 cup, and taking my time doing so. I never want to throw up, and I never want to eat too fast and feel that horrible feeling, but yesterday, well, it happened. No, not the throw up part, I'm still good there, but the too full feeling that stuck with me for at least an hour was really terrible. And OBVIOUS! I worked my first full day since my surgery, which was great. Some people think retail is an easy job, but I'm here to tell you, it's more work than any desk job I ever had, and pays less than half! Anyway, I do love working at the store, but was more than worried about working a full seven hour day. I loaded up all my "meals" in my special little cooler that was a gift from my son and his wife, months ago when I had no idea exactly how helpful it would be. Anyway, I was ready to go, had my cottage cheese, some yogurt, two containers of 50 Gram Slam and all the utensils I needed.

I drank my 50 Gram Slam 1/2 cup first. That always goes down easy and gives me that yummy feeling of satisfaction. In an hour, though, it was time for lunch, so I told my co-worker that I needed to eat my 1/2 cup of cottage cheese, that it wouldn't take me long, but I couldn't rush it. Well I guess sitting down back there for longer than five minutes was really getting to me and I ate it way too fast for comfort, and I mean that, because within a few minutes, I felt like there was a softball sitting inside my chest and I started mildly sweating. It took over an hour for that feeling to go away, and I vowed NEVER to rush my food again!

Today I decided to move on, since I was obviously tolerating the refried beans, cottage cheese, and stuff, so I tried tuna for lunch. Now, I really love tuna, even just plain the way I needed to eat it, with a little fat free mayo, which I finally found at King Soopers, but 1/2 cup of it? Yeesh! I decided today that from now on, lunch will consist of 1/4 cup of tuna and 1/4 cup of something much more palateable to "wash the tuna" down. But hey, it's all a learning experience, right?

I also found another great, and tasty way, to get in some protein. Jello has some amazing sugar and fat free puddings. My favorite is Pistachio. Today I made a box of instant and then mixed a full scoop of protein powder in with it. I bought vanilla, since they didn't have the tasteless kind at the store when I went, and it was TASTY! I'm still trying to get the tuna taste out of my mouth, though, so definitely cutting that next time.

So far I'm not having any difficulty fitting in my proteins. That's the good news. The bad news is that I don't really feel like I'm losing weight, I mean, I don't feel like it's going to fall off left and right, as I do expect two pounds a week, and had that nice 12 pound jump start, but I guess I'm so in tune to everything now, I just wonder when it's going to be automatic. When I don't have to put so much thought into what I'm going to eat everyday. When I can have a smoothie for breakfast, with my protein powder, some fruit and milk, when I can actually feel like I can participate with society again. I know, give it a rest, Carol, it's only been ten days! hehehehe I know I always have high expectations of myself, so I really need to just keep at it, and remember that everything I do will show...it just will.

Never gets old...

As I sat this morning working on my day's menu, I started thinking about the past week and how my eating habits were so calibrated and measured. I wondered if this would always be the case and then thought, GUESS THEY BETTER BE! I am really happy that I discovered this morning that my Realize website has a menu planner which actually takes all the guess work out of whether or not I get my proteins in. I can go on in the morning and plan exactly how much and when I am going to eat and after entering my product info, it calculates the proteins, exactly! What I realized is that eating solids only every two to three hours left me a bit shy of protein, so I fell back on my old friend...

The 50 Gram Slam! Man, do I love this stuff. It's the best tasting protein drink, by far, and I'm happy to say, it also tastes great! It's like a thick chocolate milk shake, and as a matter of fact, I'm going to start experimenting with it to see how it freezes and maybe I can even make some chocolate popsicles from it! LOADED WITH PROTEIN! I know, it's pretty sad that this kind of thing makes me terribly excited...

I also decided this morning that I was going to make Thursdays my weigh in days, as that was my surgery day. I am going to try my hardest not to weigh in but once a week, as that is what they say you should do, rather than the every day that I was since surgery.

I've already had more than a productive day! I got up and did all my diet management stuff, ran an errand for Good Samaritan, the pet adoption group I foster for, and now I'm home so I can eat some lunch before I head to the grocery store to get the few things on my list, like smoothies (another food alternative), and various other household items. Then I may try to only take a one hour nap, if that, and work on my school stuff for my online class. I still feel great, although a bit full, after already having 16 oz of water, cottage cheese and yogurt. Lunch? REFRIED BEANS! I'm surprised I'm not gassing off something fierce with those things in my system, but all is well.

The incisions are still a bit tender, but healing every day. I have no difficulty getting in or out of the Jeep, in or out of bed, or up and down from the chair, so that's fabulous. I'm a little surprised I'm not peeing more, with all this liquid, but so far so good. Oh, and I've actually sneezed a few times, too, with very little discomfort. I would say, out of 100% healed, I feel as though I've topped 80% at this point.

Wow...

Just when I had almost the worst night of my life, I wake up to the BEST DAY EVER! Last night I hit the sheets around 7:30. It wasn't even a full hour after my last "meal" but I was exhausted. No nap! And my shoulder, OMG! Could that sucker hurt any more than that??? So I crawled into bed, with a half dose of Xtra Strength Tylenol (liquid of course) and a pain pill. I woke up a few times, but only a very few, until about 2am when I awoke to the most excruciating gas pain in my lower abdomen! What the heck??? I was able to alleviate most of it, the usual way, but went back to bed still feeling the residual effects. At some point it must have dissipated because after 12 hours of sleep, I woke up to the feeling that nothing had even happened over the past week! I mean, I felt GOOD!

Part of that might be because I'm so looking forward to my ounce of yogurt this morning. Yum. I also lost another pound, not too shabby. I think I've decided to go by my home scale, since mine and the docs are about three pounds off. I started at 262, according to my scale, but 265 according to his. At the office yesterday I was 254, but I was 252 here, and this morning...(drum roll please...) 251! Either way you look at it, I've lost at least 10 pounds already, IN ONE WEEK! Because today is, officially, ONE WEEK POST OP!

I know this amount of weight loss will not continue, but I do want to start feeling better so I can feel like moving around and walking. The past two days when I have tried to walk, I get that shoulder pain and that's really a great reason NOT to move! Today, so far so good, and I am going to try to work for two hours today...more if I feel up to it. Only problem is, my jeans come right to where one of my incisions are, near my belly button, so I'm sitting here typing with my jeans open, and know I can't do that at work! Not that I'll be sitting there, but I'm anxious to get out of this house and move around! And when I can start moving even more, I need to get that Wii so WE can start using it! hehehehe I know, very clever, and I'm sure I'm the first one ever to say that. I crack myself up.

So next...egg beaters! Yes, I get to go down right now and eat an ounce of egg beaters. Now, you may be saying YUCK! But honey, you try drinking your meals for six solid days...wait...I was all liquids pre op, so SEVEN solid days, only to finally be able to have an ounce of yogurt, which tasted like steak to me, and next, egg beaters, which will probably also taste like steak to me! Then I have to wait 15 minutes before I drink anything. I also have to plan what I need to take in to work with me. I was going to just try to eat something before I go and just drink water those two hours, but that is not a good idea, so I will have to take my little cooler and at least some protein drink with me. No sense being stupid about it! Two days of tolerating this diet and I'm on to real soft foods, like tuna, chicken, etc. and then I only have to eat every two to three hours!

What a great day. I guess you have to really feel like poo poo in order to remember what a great day feels like...and I'm pretty sure, at least so far, this is a great day.

YES! COTTAGE CHEESE!

I never thought I would be so excited to eat real food again! But before you get too psyched for me, it's about 1oz at a time. So, I still have to eat every hour, or should I say eat/drink. Tomorrow morning I get to start with 1oz of yogurt, 5oz of water, 2oz of decaf tea and 2 oz of protein shake. Now the thing about that is, I've only been doing 8 oz total every hour, so this should be very interesting. I'm not worried, I'm actually just excited to be able to try real food again, but the protein drinks stay around. They said if I can tolerate this for two to three days, I move on to even more of a selection, like tuna, chicken, etc. That will be super exciting, but in the meantime, slow is the key.

Another glitch, if you want to call it that, is that I am supposed to get back to my PT job tomorrow. Not sure how that will work, although I did go all day today without a nap. That probably wasn't the best thing to do, but I was at the doc from one to four. I was a little surprised at the people there who did not have their protein drinks with them. I mean, going three hours without the protein has to be a no-no, but I had mine, and I stopped every hour to unzip my little pink ribbon cooler (thanks Josh and Clarissa!) and get what I needed. I'll be filling that little booger up to head to work tomorrow. I wonder if they have a microwave?

I got to meet everyone who had surgery the same day I did, although I was the first one in the OR. Actually, they all had to go to the full blown hospital, I was the only one at the surgery center. They said because I didn't present with as many risks, so I guess that's good. One guy just got out yesterday! Guess he had all kinds of issues! But everything looks good. The nurse said the pain in my shoulder has something to do with nerves, but I had already looked it up online and found what she was saying, so I kind of already knew. Steve bought me some ThermaCare shoulder heat pads tonight and so far it seems they are working.

My PT boss just called and said I sounded better but she still wanted to make sure we had full coverage so she said I should still come in, but not 11-4, we'll just plan on 11-1 instead. If I feel okay after that then I can stay, if not, she's going to have back up, so that's good. I'm sure she would rather have me get better this week, since I'm pretty much on 11-7 every day next week, Monday through Thursday! THAT is going to be a challenge.

I can tell you this. I'm exhausted. One more hour and I can go to bed.

Something New

OUCH! I thought I was doing great! I finally got back on my hourly regimen after learning more about that from my support group, but yesterday I was hit with something new. I was doing well, feeling great, still able to get around, so I had two errands to run. I feel like I'm a prisoner, for the most part, having to stay near all my liquids in order to stay on track, but I know that's temporary. Any who...I ran my first errand, in and out of the bank with no difficulties. Came home, did my hourly thang, then left to run another errand after which I planned to take a nap, which still, by the way, is running about 2 hours. I drove to the store where I work part time to pick up a couple things and then head home. While I was there I started to develop pain in my left shoulder. I wasn't there very long, but the pain was developing into an oh my goodness level pretty quickly. Is this what it felt like when I get full? Is it gas? According to one of my bosses it is just an indication of abdominal injury, or surgery. No matter what, by the time I got home it was severe and as I went to lie down for my nap, there was not a comfortable position no matter what. I got up, took half a dose of liquid Tylenol, and managed to finally fall asleep in about 10-15 minutes.

Unfortunately, the story doesn't stop there. Last night, being a good girl and attempting to get my walk in, I gathered the grand daughters and headed out the door. Nothing major, just down the street and back up again, not even sure how far that is, but by the time we were half way back up the street it started all over again. I could feel pressure in my chest as well as this shoulder pain, and felt as though the deeper the breath I took, the more it hurt. I sat down and relaxed for a bit and when I went to rise from the chair, the shoulder pain slammed me! I went upstairs, attempted to page the nurse, never heard back, but finally it started to dissipate so I went into the bedroom, took a full dose of my Tylenol and attempted to get comfortable in bed. The impossible task. The pain was so severe, even ten minutes later, I broke down and took one of my pain pills. After that, I don't remember much, but I slept like a rock from 8:30 p.m. until 3 a.m.! Thank God I still have some of those pain pills left.

I have my post op appt. today followed by my nutrition class. But as I sat at the computer this morning I thought, GOOGLE THAT PAIN! So I did. And, of course, I found a bunch of info of people still experiencing this pain even four months post op! I surely know by then my pain meds will be gone! Then what? Most of the posts I read said it was still the trapped gasses used during the banding process, with a variety of ways to treat it. Again, lucky for me I have my post op appt. today so I can definitely hit her up for info! And you can bet I will!

Still, absolutely no buyer's remorse, as my husband calls it. NOT AT ALL!

Hunger and Error

I suppose I thought I had it down. The important thing was to get 65 oz. of protein and plenty of water or water based drinks. WRONG! I attended my first support group last night and learned GOBS from these people. It was a small group that has been meeting for a couple years. They bring articles of importance to anyone having WLS (weight loss surgery) and share that information as well as set up hiking dates, etc. Today, is a new day. I'm still losing but my hunger is more than distracting so I knew I was doing something wrong. I'm back to my hourly schedule today, which basically consists of 4oz of water every hour, along with 2oz of a protein drink and 2 oz of another liquid, like broth, sugar free jello, or a sugar free popsicle. Luckily I still haev my cups the hospital gave me, it's like those little medicine cups on top of liquid medicine bottles. I have four. I'm hoping after today my hunger pangs will subside and tomorrow, at my check up, I may very well be given the OK to start on the pre-select soft foods. That diet is also hourly. And I'm really looking forward to it.

The difference is I get to eat some solid foods, not exactly chewing types of food, but sorta. I can have light yogurt, which I love, and can even drink protein shakes, not sure if I can make them with yogurt and skim milk and even some fruit or not, I have to check. A sample hour is 1oz of yogurt, 5oz of water, 2oz of decaf tea, and a 2oz protein shake. I can also have egg beaters, refried beans, puddings (sugar free), and cottage cheese. They also have diluted apple juice on that menu. After I tolerate those foods for a minimum of 2-3 days I can graduate to the full soft food plan where I get to broaden my horizons! I am no graduated to veggies as of then because they want my meals to be 100% protein; tuna, fish, shellfish, poultry, turkey ham, beef jerky, beef, pork, and possibly protein bars. NO PASTA, POPCORN, RICE, BREAD, POTATOES, NUTS, SALADS, OR CHIPS OF ANY KIND. I think that one is a no brainer, but I'm sure they have to spell it out for some people. :)

So, I better get down there and eat (drink) my first hour's requirements. It's not that hard, it's just getting into the routine of having to be here to take everything I need when I need it. If I run errands they will have to be short ones until I figure out how to regulate, which better be soon. I'm back to my PT job on Thursday!

Thanks for keeping track and, of course, your support!

Plugging along!

Wow...already three days post-op and things are definitely getting better, recovery wise. I'm able to drink many more ounces than I was one day post op. I had to literally sip every ounce until I was sure it wouldn't back up. That watery mouth feeling of getting ready to hurl is NOT one I favor, and so far, so good. I would rather err on the side of caution than hurl!

I am getting bored with just plain water, and for some reason, it's just not tasking good to me anymore, so I guess it's time to get some crystal light. I'm really loving those 50 Gram Slams, though. They taste just like chocolate milk and one can has a full 50 grams. If I can down one of those over a period of a day, I'm good. Although that leaves me needing another 10 grams of protein to reach my protein goal every day. I can get up during the night and take two swigs of water now, instead of baby sips, so I'm very happy about that because it seems my mouth is always cotton dry. I think that has a lot to do with my pain meds, so I'm laying off those for today, and just using them at night. I did do quite a bit of walking yesterday, and hope to surpass that today. We are going to the event at Tagawa Gardens for the kitties I have up for adoption, so it will be a nice walk through there and then I can sit for a while. I've got a plan!

Down about eight pounds since surgery, so that's good. I know I'm not supposed to weigh myself every day, so I'll stop until the day of my one week post op appt. But I'll take ten pounds the first week any day! :) My little ticker scale keeps going down, down, down, and that, after all, is well worth waiting to record. :)

Well, I already finished my first four ounces of Isopure. I really love the grape, and am not brave enough to try others at this point. I really love the 50 gram slam though, but it's thicker, so I have to drink it slower.

All in all, as my husband asked me just this morning, "any buyer's remorse?" And that answer would not be no, it would be HELL NO! :) I'm well on my way, although I do miss chewing, but it will all come eventually. I would love to be down about 20 pounds, or more, before the end of August, but I'm not sure that's a realistic goal.

That's about it for today! Thanks for reading!

Almost Naptime

Well, I got out and about today, ran a couple errands, but now it's nap time. I'm really having a hard time getting all the liquids in that I need. I'm terrified that if I drink too much of it I will barf, which has actually nearly happened three times already since my surgery. That is NOT what I want to do, so after all our errands, I'm going to take a nap...zzzzzzzzzzzzz

Saint Steven

As if I needed any confirmation of the fact that my husband loves me, he, once again, proved it times ten. I had a rough first night. I tried to walk as much as I could when I got home from surgery, but the gas was not being released that they put in during surgery to inflate the stomach. It felt good when I crouched over, but as soon as I tried to stand, or lie down, ouch. Steve got up with me the first three times when I had to go to the bathroom, helping me in and out of bed. Then I fell asleep, despite the pain, and when I awoke at 12:30 a.m. to pain, he got up, yet again, and promised he would not let my pain meds wear off, so he set his alarm for four hours later, and again to make sure I would get it every four hours. The man is a saint. He's the best caregiver a woman could ever ask for, and on top of being up all night with me, he's at work today from 6-2:30. I can't imagine how he's staying alert.

Regarding yesterday, everything went well, I was out of there by 2:30, and home. I started getting nauseous on my way home in the Jeep, but figured it was because I decided to take a nap, and when that happened, I opened my eyes, and kept deep breathing until the feeling passed. The LAST thing I wanted to do was barf! It happened again last evening, and once again I let it pass without actually barfing. All I could think of was the terrible pain I was already in and that I really didn't want more of it! :)

I've been sitting at my computer now for about 30 mins. and I'm already tired. It's time to go recline. My goal I set today was to walk up to the mailbox around 12:30 but that depends on the weather. Not sure how hot it will be, but that's my day after surgery goal. Oh, and they ended up doing three incisions instead of one, probably because when they got in there, Dr. Snyder discovered a hiatel hernia, which he repaired. That was the only complication, so it added time to the surgery, but I think it's also adding to my pain.

I've got to go lie down. I'll be back...

New Life

I am still ready...even after not having anything to eat all day. I never, ever imagined how much I would miss food. Plus clear liquids are not that fun, which was all today, but for three weeks without being able to have food. I know I won't feel much like it anyway, but after today I never even realized how often I think about food.

I had to sit in an all day training today and watch everyone eat their huge lunches, everything from a salmon salad to a swiss mushroom burger...and then, in the afternoon, cookies...not your ordinary, every day cookies, gourmet cookies...and then, as I was driving home, I almost instinctively turned into a Burger King for a snack...of course I didn't. But the subconscious thoughts going through my mind were primarily about food!? I don't know if it's just because my stomach had been growling for about two hours, on and off, and it is again by the way, or if my lifestyle had just been that food driven. I guess I'm about to find out.

Tonight I get to shower with that horribly smelly soap they gave me. Then, as if that won't be fun enough, I get to shower in it, again, at 5am to do it all over again! I just hope my shampoo covers the stench of that soap, and I'm still sitting here wondering if it will turn my skin brown! Hey, if it does, maybe I'll use it as tanner for the rest of this summer...NOT! hehehe

Man, am I grumpy! I sure hope my hubby doesn't have to put up with this for too long! At least tomorrow I hope to be pretty doped up afterward, so I'm not too worried about that, although I do need to probably get up and walk now and again. With all the liquids, it will more than likely be the urge to pee that will get me up. hehehe

I don't think I'm really scared, although I will admit to a few death thoughts. I keep joking that watch me be the one to croak since I have virtually no medical issues and they think it's a slam dunk. hehehehe But hey, it's not in my plan so I will just not think too much about that anymore. I do know this will all be worth it, and I have an amazing network to fall back on. So...this is probably the last time you will hear from me until I'm well enough to get on and update this. So, on a wing and a prayer...my prayers and yours.

Yikes...my official two days before surgery photos. Talk about adding ten pounds! NOT FOR LONG!

TWO DAYS TO GO!

Two days pre-op. I have my pre-op appt. today and Delicia is going along. I actually get to see my surgeon again, only the second time, actually the third if you count the seminar. But after that I get all my pre-op stuff done and then...wait...

With the bank screw-up I don't have any money to buy the liquid protein I need to have tomorrow, but I'm sure things will work out okay. I don't get paid until Friday, but we got Steve's check deposited, now we just have to wait for it to clear and I can get my necessities for the hospital, pre surgical diet, and post surgical diet. I think I'm pretty ready, although I began thinking today that I really don't have anything very comfy to wear to and from the hospital. Jeans are probably not a great idea, and I'll need something loose fitting to make sure it doesn't aggravate my incision site. I'm still really hoping for only one of those, but up to three I guess would be okay.

I spend over an hour last night looking at before and after photos of hundreds of people on obesity.com. I know it will be a slow process, but with my past successes, I know this will also be a success. I have so many people pulling for me. Excited that I've made this decision and anxious for it to be done, the surgery I mean. Everyone gets so scared when it comes to surgery, and I guess I'm thinking, it's laproscopic, what can go wrong? Well, maybe I shouldn't be so confident, but I am. I'm thinking more like a cake walk, myself. No diet pun intended. hehehehe

Even my boss at my new part time job is excited for me. I started thinking this morning, would I have hired my fat butt to do this type of work? Unfortunately, I answered that I would not have, and that perhaps me telling her in the interview about my upcoming surgery was what helped me get that job. It's very interesting when you look at life through the eyes of a fat person, knowing there is something more inside, but not getting the respect or credit you deserve. But that's all about to change, isn't it. And the first person I am excited to respect me, and give me credit, is ME!

Independence Day!

Five more days...it's definitely hard to believe the time is passing so quickly. It's very ironic that everyone feels like they want to hang out BEFORE the surgery. It's like I'm dying or something! I think people feel like I won't be able to have fun afterward, and I guess I've been wondering about things as well. So I made a list of some things...

Things I will miss:
chewing for three to six weeks
eating certain foods, I'm not sure what they may be

Things I will not miss:
sitting on a chair in the grass only to have the legs sink in
wearing old lady clothes instead of really cute ones
feeling tired and not having any energy
not caring about how I look
being comfortable getting into, and out of, the Jeep
not being embarrassed to be out in public
getting winded walking up the stairs
not being able to fit between clothing racks at the store

Obviously there are many more things I will not miss...and that's a great thing.

And before you know it...

I knew the time would go by quickly, but here I am, just about 8 days from my surgery date. That's pretty exciting. I've been sampling more protein drinks to see what will work best, as far as flavor, but know I will have to drink clear liquids at least the day before. The menu after surgery will be more prescriptive, still only liquids but at least I can have some good protein drinks. I got my chewable Centrum Silvers, some liquid tylenol, still have to get my chewable or liquid calcium. What is the difference between calcium and calcium citrate? I need to make sure I find out from my doc's office exactly what they want me to take. I have a trip to make to Costco to get the cups I'll use to measure my two and four ounce servings of various things over the next three to six weeks. I also want to go by Walmart and get one of those really large water containers so I can measure my intake with that, too. I've gone away from bottled water at home and am just using the water from the fridge purifier. I have a really good Brita pitcher somewhere in storage...guess now would be a good time to pull that thing out.

So many people want to know if I'm excited. I would have to say the answer to that is DUH! I'm not afraid, I don't have enough health issues to be afraid to go under, and as active as I've been at work, I think my legs are really getting into pretty good shape, at least they are getting used a lot! So, yes, I'm excited, and yes, I am anxious to see how everything goes. Believe it or not I may actually go back to work two days afterward, depending on how I feel. I told her as long as I didn't have to stand all day and could sit in the shade, I would try to come in. It's our huge grand opening sale and it's all hands, although she said she certainly would understand if I can't come in. I do need to keep pretty active, as far as walking, so I can get up and walk around if I need to, then sit and everything when I need to. So, yes, call me crazy, but hey, I want to get my active lifestyle going as quickly as I can.

So that's all that's up for now. I haven't heard when my pre-op appt. is yet, but she will be calling me this week to set that up. Let the countdown continue...

JULY 9TH!!!!

Wow...I can hardly believe it's actually scheduled. It's still two weeks away, but still. It feels like that time will go by so quickly, and I have lots of preparation to do! Stay tuned for that!

Pay the Piper!

Well, that day has come. Delicia and I are heading down to pay, in full, for my surgery. Wow. I'm really hoping that means they will hurry along my scheduling, and maybe we'll find something out when we go down there, but probably not. I'm going to email the office to let them know we are coming, and hopefully we will be able to sit down with the gal who does the scheduling, but at this point, I'm not keeping my hopes up too high. All I know is that I'm ready whenever they are. I've been ready...and the next post will be my scheduled date. :) Really. :)

Hurry up and WAIT!

So, here we go. I got the check from my 401k only to find out it's five business days to hold it before I can get the cashier's check for Dr. Snyder. The great news is I have all my pre-op testing done! All that's left is to pay the remainder, but I have to wait. Next Tuesday is the magic date. I guess that will push me out of the end of June, but hopefully not too far into July. I know they have been scheduling a week out, so if they schedule me next week, that's the first week in July. The waiting is killing me, but it's not like I am afraid it won't happen. I know it will, I'm just excited for it to begin!

Almost there!

Yesterday I had two of the three things on Dr. Snyder's list of labs. This morning I am sitting here waiting until nearly 8am to go get the final labs (blood work) and then I can send the results to his office and WAIT! My end of June surgery date could very well be met! But we will have to wait and see. In the meantime I need to get all my measurements into the website so I can keep track of things data-wise as well as clothing-wise. I'm so very excited!!!!

Not in Kansas...but close!!!

YES, THAT'S A TORNADO!

Can you believe it? That was taken just off the east-facing corner of our garage, you can see the tip of our roof and that is just over the neighbor's tree, about a mile or less away. A bit scary today, but it seems to be gone for now. Yikes.


But my post isn't just about that, really. I'm getting down to the wire. I have three appts. in the next week and a half and I'm done! Maybe I'll still be on track for the end of June! I get my Pulmonary and Psych evals on Wednesday, the 10th, then on Monday, the 15th I get my final labs done and then I wait to hear when I'm scheduled!!!! I'm going to start reading back through my book again after my two evals and keep my finger's crossed it can happen soon! I'm more than ready...more...

Still encouraged...but...

I don't know what it is. I feel like no one cares if I get these tests done or not. I was contacting one person at the doc office who was very helpful, but I was not getting the answers I was asking for. I want to go through my regular doc to get the lab work done I need before surgery. I was told by Dr. Snyder's office that I would get a letter telling me what I still needed. I still have no letter but the office manager said I still needed one lab and a psych eval. My regular doc ordered the lab and I need to call and make both appts. but do they know what to do?

Last night I was a little dissuaded, but only very slightly. I'm still very anxious to get this done, and in the meantime my part time boss said I can have as much time as I need to get the surgery and recover. She's very supportive and the fact is I just met her two weeks ago! I think it's great to meet people who don't try to talk me out of it, and actually ask lots of questions. My husband is still my biggest supporter and although it seems it is taking forever, I know it WILL happen, and when it does, my life will change forever, and I'm still very excited about that.

Tomorrow I will make the two appts. I DO have control over. And maybe, just maybe, the employment gods will smile down on my hubby and life will finally resume to our pre-marriage financial situation...keeping my heart thinking positive thoughts...

Officially BEFORE

Yes, I finally got a colleague to take my "before" photo. Yikes... I asked him to take it without my face, but take a look at that chin! Well, one of them. :) I guess for a "before" photo, it's pretty accurate. My feet look so small, and I can't wait until that isn't the focus of my photograph.

Still hoping for an end of June surgery date, but not sure if that's going to come to fruition. I feel like it's taking forever to get through all this preliminary stuff, when in fact I haven't gotten my letter from the doctor saying what I still need, I haven't paid, and I have found out, nor scheduled, the labs I still need. I'm still very excited for it to happen, it just feels like I'm wasting precious time to hit my goal of surgery by the end of June.

More excited than ever!

I haven't had a chance to write since the nutrition class I had the other night. It was a huge amount of information but rather than leave me worried or afraid to tackle this, I'm more enlightened than ever! Yes, it's going to be a huge change, and I will have to admit that the best part of the night was talking with a couple and two other people who were also there for the class. Something one of them said made me think hard, and remember something very painful. We all had our stories of what was the breaking point, over and over again, but someone made the comment that the time they finally said, "enough", was when they were denied a ride on the roller coaster at Elitchs because she was too big.

I'm anxious to know when my surgery date is, and I'm even more anxious to make sure I have all the lab work done that I know needs to be done before then. I'm going to call the office on Monday and see when they are going to send the letter to my Dr. at Kaiser. I dropped her an email yesterday and heard back today saying she will watch for Dr. Snyder's letter. Obviously she has not received it yet. I know I probably have two things I need to do before we can move on. One is probably through Mental Health, and the other Pulmonary through my asthma guy. I'm not worried. I just want to surpass those hurdles so I can then move on and schedule the surgery. I'm still targeting the end of June, but I scare myself when I set that target because I know how disappointed I get when I don't meet it.

Another thing I keep thinking of is do I really want to move forward with it when Steve doesn't yet have a job. I know we have the finances all figured out, but going into debt again when he doesn't have a job doesn't feel right. I know we'll save a ton in eating out and food, at least from my standpoint, but still don't feel justified in moving forward unless that happens. Why do I put those kinds of pressures on myself?

The good news was that I not only got exercise today, I FEEL IT! No, it wasn't some organized work out routine, or a run on the treadmill (that actually makes me laugh out loud thinking I could actually run on anything, let alone a treadmill!) but instead a field trip that I was both excited to go on, and dreaded at the same time. One mile to the light rail. Walking around downtown all day. Then a final walk from the light rail back to school. But I did it. I may not be able to walk for the rest of the weekend, but I DID IT! And I wish I had worn a pedometer because I'm guessing between the two miles to and from the light rail, the downtown walk was probably easily a couple more miles, so I walked at least four, maybe five miles today! And boy, do I feel it! Probably not too great of an idea, but I had a good time with my group, and best of all...I did it...without having to take one puff from my inhaler...

I'm thinking I better celebrate victories now, because I'm soon to have one right after another, and I really need to learn how to be proud of myself...I really don't have much practice in that at all.

My Personal Climb...

I think that overall I am going to have a really hard time seeing myself in a smaller size. I have battled this for so long that I think my brain will have a harder time adjusting than my body! I am so sure, though, that it will definitely be a climb...and...on my way home today I heard the perfect song to epitomize my feelings about this journey I'm about to take. I'm going to listen to this song as often as I need to. I am going to live this song and really, take it to heart and use it to succeed. It's an amazing song...check it out.

The Climb

Something to try!

Found this on another blog, and I'm in love! I can't wait to start using this, check it out!

Before

I don't even have my surgery date yet, but I'm bursting with excitement. I've followed along as another person has blogged about their success, thus inspiring this blog. I've also done a lot of homework as far as what I hope and expect. Met with my surgeon a few days ago and was shocked when we walked out only 30 minutes later knowing it would be. It will actually happen. And now my adventure begins.

Some of the things I am confident about.
1. I'm sure I will be able to use the tool successfully.
2. I am sure about what will take place when it comes to the actual surgery.
3. I know I will be happier with the new me.
4. I am confident that I will not expect miracles, and that it will still take work.
5. I know I have an amazing family and friend support group.

Some of the things I'm still unsure/concerned with.
1. Hair loss? I am not that worried about it, truly, but being fat and hairless terrifies me.
2. Normal surgery fears...I'm sure it's better than c-sections, which I've had.
3. I'm not sure how I will react when my emotional eating side surfaces.

So, actually, that's not too bad! I'm positive of five things, and only worried about three! That's got to be a good thing, huh!

I started practicing my physical activity side today. Parked halfway across the parking lot at the dept. store today, and hoofed it. I'm just amazed how tired and winded I get, but why should I be surprised? At my weight, which will be divulged at my pre surgery appt. blog, I am surprised I can move! I am sure I have never been this heavy. Anyway, I digress. We are going to take the dogs to the dog park tomorrow and walk a little. That will be fun. And hopefully we can do that every weekend from now on until my surgery, and then pick up again afterward.

I'm very excited...and I suspect this excitement will only intensify as the date approaches...whatever date that might be. STAY TUNED!